I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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