O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
soo... how was my night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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