im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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