Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
