no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
