You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
