I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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