Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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