She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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