i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
