did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
