So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
