The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
