Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
