were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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