Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
