I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
