omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
