I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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