You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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