Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
