there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
