Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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