You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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