You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
