At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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