and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
