You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
