Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
