he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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