So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
