is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
