no, he came in my armpit
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
