What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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