She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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