ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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