Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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