Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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