Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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