Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize