i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
