he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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