you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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