you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
