i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My vagina just clenched in fear
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
