You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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