o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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