i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
