She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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