They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
