I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
