The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
